ok - so here it is..
I have been asked soo many times about How did this come about? How did you "Learn"? This is the first of many blogs I see myself typing in the future..LOL. I try to explain what I see and what i feel but sometimes the words are hard to come across. I want to give you a peek into my personal life, and to start sharing experiences as you have all asked.
So, You want to know who Jodi really is do you? Well, I am a woman who struggled for years and years to find her niche. I have always felt this "bang in your head" feeling that there is something else I needed to be doing, but wasnt sure. I am the kind of woman who's favorite thing to do is to spin around, like a child, in warm balmy winds while a light rain is falling down...doesnt quite sound like the woman who was aiding small aircraft with fuel loads, limo's and landing instructions.Barbie'd dolled up and plastic smile ( Yes, worked at a private airport ). I was in a long term relationship at the time, and even with that - I always felt this "NUDGE". We married in 1998, and I was a mother of a beautiful baby boy in July of 1999. My son was born extremely early and frightened doesnt even begin to tell you the living hell we were in. I can remember, looking back now, ohhh so many little signs to tell me he was going to be alright. As my son grew, my life was all for him and my husband. I wouldnt have had it anyother way. However, that NUDGE was still there that something was missing. I have tried various things over the years to fill that void, but nothing worked. I got into Floral Designers and did weddings..nothing - I started a small craft business - nothing - I have always worked with my mom in her Tax business - nothing..I wasnt seeing what I needed to yet - Not yet! I think now because I wasnt truly ready to accept it. Towards the ending years of our marriage, I had a FEW major losses in my life, as everyone has..and from each one of them, the most prevelant message is that " life is too short". I have always had certain "inklings", "feelings, thoughts and mom and I just used to shrug them off as entertaining, though we know of the family history of sorts. The more changes, drastic changes, my life went through - the more these became realistic and harder to laugh at. I remember laying in bed one night when my grandfather was sick and I woke up at 4am. I walked outside onto my deck, in the middle of January and those winds...Love the winds...warm and balmy. Strange for this time of year. The moon was full and lit up my entire backyard. I felt the wind pass through me, as it now does and I remember whispering.."Goodbye Grandpa." I stayed out and enjoyed the winds for a few more minutes and went back to bed. Mom called at 6am and told me he was gone. The winds...."Grandpa Winds." I also had to go through the diagnosis, suffering and then the death of my stepfather, who was my ENTIRE world. Thats when it really hit me i think. Pappa was a stubborn, but a strong man. If it could happen to him, jesus...that whole time destroyed me but taught me the most important lessons in life. To this day, 5 years later, I cant even thinkof him without bawling like an idiot. My grandmother had been suffering from Alzheimers for a few years. She was the one who told me little inklings about her past in addition to other stories that I had heard. Before she went "visiting", (thats what I call it when alzheimers is in full bloom..because they think they are going every where), i used to spend all my time with her with doctors appointments, errands, cleaning etc etc. When it was time for her to go to a nursing home, I was there every night..painting nails, talking,hearing her stories, feeding her..you name it. Over the years, she was growing farther and farther out. She seldomed remembered names and such. Eventually, hospice was called in. She lasted a week longer than expected without food or water..she always was a fiesty lil shit! The day she passed, yes, we had those winds again.. i remember her grabbing my hand in such a way that she never did before and she said " I love you Jodi'. To me, this was breath taking. I knew my grandmother loved me, but I was never her favorite sort to speak. we really didnt have a close relationship until her elder years. Anyway - mom seems to think that THAT is when she passed her ability to me in the degree that it is in addition to my own. It was always there for me, just 'tamed' and in secret. I don't know if that is when it happened but I can tell you that the feeling I got when she did that was magical. The feeling of peace, love, strength, guidence..all combined - in a single touch. My life dramatically changed after her death. To the point where I was on a mission to find my "Void" and to fill it. I knew I was here to help people, but more than the way I was. I could PTA, volunteer, animals, children,family, - whatever..the void...never completely filled. After my husband and I decided not to remain married, I was lost. I had just been a wife and a mom for so long, i didnt know what i was suppose to do...WHAT??? The more dramatically my life changed, the more vivid this all became...my void...I now know. I did a bit of research in regards to my family, and some history and i started out on a journey to just find myself..and what a journey it has been! I didnt have to keep my intuitions, voices, images - didnt have to keep any of it in anymore. I welcomed it all - I embraced every emotion with every person - I started with small steps..guinea pigs they called themselves. I totally let myself go into the feeling that 'THEY" will lead me and teach me..every step of the way and everything i need to know. Though I have had some people give me advice, their advice sometimes would be the opposite of what "grandma" wants - so i just learned to listen to her, and let her follow....and she does - to this day.
